Learn to Feel Learn to Heal
My Healing Story
Originally posted: 1/1/2025.
Last updated: 3/1/2025.
When new sections are added, the date will be listed for that section.
"There’s nothing like combining beautiful spiritual talk with gross mucus coming
out of my ass and sharing this with the world. Holy shit, literally."
Jump to:
Love the Light and Dark (posted 3/1/2025)
Introduction (back to top)
A brief introduction before I get to my healing story. My name is Keith, currently 42 years old, and I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes right after turning 15. I experienced the classic extreme thirst, constant urination and huge weight loss. I was an active and athletic kid with a normal slim weight of around 130 lbs. at that time, and when I was diagnosed, I weighed 94 lbs. and looked like a skeleton. Feel free to listen to my diagnosis story here, which involves a chaotic homecoming dance experience and shows how I was as a child with social anxiety and not being able to reach out for help, which I have learned was a very big part of why this disease developed in the first place. Outside of social anxiety though, I don’t have many other fears, and I tend to take things how they come and go with the flow. So, the diagnosis itself didn’t really have a huge impact on me mentally or emotionally, outside of the fact that I hated needles. I had a history of fainting when receiving shots as a child, so it likely took me longer than most to start to be able to give myself injections. But aside from that, I never got a sense that it would ever keep me from doing anything in my life, and I’m grateful I was gifted with that point of view and attitude, wherever it came from. Now that said, it was still a big adjustment, and I messed up a lot. So many dangerous low blood sugars. A car wreck that resulted in my head going through the windshield. It was deemed not my fault legally, but I did have a very low blood sugar and may have been able to avoid it if my blood sugar was normal. Luckily no one was harmed, but the guilt that comes with incidents like this is difficult. So, it was all a very big learning experience, but all in all, I seemed to manage my blood sugar decently. And one thing that I think all type 1 diabetics probably agree on, regardless of how you feel about living with the disease, is that it gifts you with the responsibility of focusing more on your diet than the average person, and this knowledge and focus can result in a lot of benefits throughout life.
The Beginning (back to top)
Have you ever felt the best you have ever felt during a moment that would normally be a catastrophe? This is what I experienced in October of 2019, when I officially set the intent to heal myself of this disease. The intent is all that is needed to start. Having the intent means you believe you can do it. So always focus and keep that intent as best you can, regardless of all the doubts that constantly flow in. At the time, I was only thinking from a physical perspective, as I just came across a video about prolonged fasting, and how it influences cell regeneration. Specifically in my case, the regeneration of beta cells in the pancreas, which are the cells that produce insulin and the ones that type 1 diabetics lack. So, I jumped right in and did a 9-day water fast (not recommended, so please use your own judgement for what works for you if you ever decide to fast). I didn’t really do much research or preparation for this, and while the first few days were easy mainly due to the excitement, by day 4 and 5 I was feeling horrible, lightheaded and could hardly stand up. I finally decided to do some research (a little late, but I tend to learn better by doing) and realized I was missing electrolytes. So, on day 5 I threw some pink Himalayan salt in my mouth, and it gave me the worst stomachache ever and I felt horribly sick the entire day. The next day, I “cheated” and had some bone broth with some salt added. Now it’s possible I didn’t need the broth, and salt water would have maybe done the trick (rather than the shock of just dumping a bunch of salt in my mouth), but I felt so amazing after that and the rest of the way through the 9-day fast. I felt light, free and my mental clarity was so pure. But now came the catastrophic moment I mentioned earlier. I had been investing in stocks for several years at this point, and recently experienced a massive gain. Not necessarily enough to retire, but enough to quit my job assuming I continued to make modest gains in the future. But it all came crashing down in the last few days of this fast. I lost around 50% of my portfolio in just a few days (I would eventually lose everything I had gained that year over the next few months). But the last 4 days of that fast were the most peace I had ever felt, even amidst the chaos of what was happening in my external world. Sure, I eventually felt the anger and frustration of going through something like this. But it was different. I viewed it more as a learning experience. Not only that, but when I look back on this period, I think what would I have done if I didn't lose that money? Would I have been able to have the same focus on spirituality and healing that I have had these past 5 years? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I am extremely grateful for exactly how everything has unfolded so far.
That experience opened my eyes to recognizing the peace and love that is always within you. It’s all there, all the time, and always accessible no matter what’s happening around you. I’m not necessarily promoting fasting, nor am I saying it’s a requirement for healing type 1 diabetes or anything else, but it has played a very big part in my personal journey so far and it catapulted me into spirituality. Not that I wasn’t spiritual before. I certainly was in my own way, but it was somewhat surface level compared to what I have discovered. I always just viewed life as an experience and went with the flow. Nothing wrong with that, but this new experience opened my eyes to how much deeper you can go.
So, I began to meditate consistently in 2020. Prior to this, I had never meditated. There were some growing pains, not being able to sit still comfortably (which I completely forgot about, but it annoyed the heck out of me that my body was so uncomfortable, and I never heard anyone talk about it, so I thought I was the only one). It took practice and consistency, but the pains eventually went away, and I started to sink deeper and deeper into the meditations. I had no real intent other than to just be at peace and be love, although in the back of my ego mind I was constantly setting goals, be abundant, heal T1D, etc. But once you get into that meditative state, the ego mind takes a back seat, and this is where the magic happens. As I continued to meditate throughout the year and connect to my higher self, some very interesting things started to occur. The numbers 1111 and 111 started popping up everywhere in the physical world. Seriously an impossible number of times. Statistically impossible. 4 to 5 times every day for several months. I still don’t know how it was possible, but it happened. It happened for so long that I thought I was going a little crazy. It was hard to take seriously, and it started to annoy me because I felt like nothing was happening. Why in the world would this weird place go to this much trouble to show me something that is obviously not normal, but then nothing else happened? I was hoping it meant an upcoming abundance since I recently lost so much money, but that didn’t occur. Even though I didn’t really notice anything at the time, my frequency was rising, and these numbers corresponded letting me know I was on the right track. Looking back on it now, it is so obvious. I just didn’t realize at the time what I was starting in my life. Aside from these numbers, I was having other profound and/or crazy experiences. Hearing voices. Not just thoughts in my head, but loud audible voices. A little scary to admit, but this was never something I had ever experienced in my entire life, and if I ever heard of someone “hearing voices” I would have unfortunately just assumed they were a little crazy, so whatever karma comes to me I’m open for.
Aside from the spiritual growth, I continued fasting on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I still drank alcohol and occasionally smoked cigarettes/chewed tobacco, which was greatly defeating the purpose. I would sometimes fast for 3-5 days during the week, and then follow it up on the weekend with drinking and tobacco. This kind of fit the cycles I created for myself throughout my life. Work hard and be fit during the week, and then drink over the weekend. Then do it all over again. It became so normal for me, but fasting kind of highlighted the absurdity of doing this. I committed to quitting alcohol and tobacco for a year and did so. After the year went by, I began having a drink here and there, but it was no longer something I enjoyed, and it became obvious that I used it as a distraction. I committed again to cut it out completely for another year and did so. Aside from alcohol and tobacco, I also limited coffee and other habits that I would tend to fall back on. Everything except TV/YouTube, which unfortunately is still something I struggle a little with but am working on.
By the end of 2022, I had eliminated so many habits and was still very consistent with meditating. I was seeing progress with the amount of insulin I had to take, specifically during water fasts. For my first 9 day water fast I mentioned earlier, I needed to inject insulin every day of the fast, but I was starting to notice that I could stop taking insulin altogether if I ever went over 4 or 5 days, and there were also times I could last without insulin during my first day or two of refeeding, albeit with slightly higher blood sugars and not feeling that great. There could be different reasons for that of course. For example, organs would be depleted of glucose and don’t require insulin, so they could have soaked up some of the glucose initially during the refeed. And maybe I did regenerate beta cells to produce insulin, but then they just died off again. Who knows? Whatever the reason, there was never much progression beyond that, and I started feeling stuck.
Energy Healing (back to top)
Throughout all the meditating over this period and connecting with my higher self, I began to get in touch with my shadow and fears. For as long as I can remember, I have always had an overwhelmingly intense social anxiety. I could hardly talk when I was around people as a child. I never felt comfortable. This continued throughout my entire life, and I have always just told myself it’s just how I am, and I accepted that. But that acceptance was not genuine. I never did a deep dive into that fear, and this so-called acceptance was used as an excuse to ignore it. What I didn’t realize is the amount of anger it generated as well. I decided to set up an online Reiki healing session with someone for the first time ever in October of 2022, with the general intent of figuring out my social anxiety and type 1 diabetes. What happened during that session could have easily been disregarded as a failed attempt, but it’s so important to keep an open mind about everything that occurs, and I’m glad I did here. Not just an open mind regarding this type of spiritual healing, but an open mind towards anything and everything that seemingly gets in your way. In this instance, my dog pretty much went wild during this session and brought up a lot of anger within me. Just 5 minutes into the session he started barking and howling wildly from the other room. No reason for it at all from my perspective, but I do know he is extremely sensitive to energy, which I have seen evidence of before. And this barking and howling was like nothing I had ever heard from him. It sounded very pained and confused. But each time he would let out a bark, I would feel this pain in my gut. A pain of anger, “Why is he ruining this session?”. And this angry pain in my gut had a very similar feeling to the anxious pain I’ve carried all my life. I put my microphone on mute so his barking at least wouldn’t be heard by the reiki healer, but he barked the entire time. He would occasionally stop, only to start again very abruptly and loudly, each time sending this sharp pain right into my gut, as if I couldn’t even avoid it. It happened over and over. It gave me practice. Practice with feeling this specific emotion at this specific time. Over and over and over. Each time I became calmer, and as I got calm, my dog would stop. And then he started again, and that pain would shoot right into me again. But each time this occurred, I was able to get better with feeling it and it was getting easier for it to transform and pass right through me, until eventually I was able to completely avoid that initial sharp reactive pain, and I was at peace throughout the on and off again barking. Towards the end of the session he had fully stopped, matching my peace. So, did that Reiki session go the way I expected? Absolutely not, but it had an unbelievable impact on me. My dog has been an unbelievable healing friend for me throughout this journey. I will likely make a video or write a piece on him specifically at some point.
After that session I had a burst of energy. People react differently, but I for the most part usually feel energized after sessions like these. I remember going for a 5-mile run afterwards, feeling the best I have had in a long time. It was also very nice to hear another healer’s perspective and messages that were received. One important one was to bless my insulin, which I couldn’t believe I hadn’t been doing. And honestly, I was growing a very intense negative energy towards my insulin injections up to that point, as I felt it was proof of my failure. When I fasted and could stop insulin for a couple days, I would then feel like a failure every time I would need to start again, and this was weighing on me. So just being grateful and blessing my insulin each time made a big difference in my attitude going forward and helped with releasing expectations.
Then came the big one. I scheduled a deeper quantum healing session for 11/10/2022 at 11am. It consisted of writing a list of questions you want to ask your higher self while being in a deep theta state. I didn’t come up with that many questions to be honest, but my main question was, “Where did my social anxiety as a child come from?” My intuition over the previous couple of years made me understand that this anxiety played an important role in my development of type 1 diabetes. But I didn’t understand where this anxiety came from. Was I born with it? I don’t have many memories before the age of 10 years old, so I can’t even remember how I was when I was a younger kid, other than being afraid to talk. So, I went into the session with curiosity and an open mind, but no expectations. To my surprise, a couple hours into the session a memory came to me from when I was a baby. Now, I have never experienced anything like this before, so my ego mind that was in the back seat, half asleep, started having doubts and yelling, “Don’t say that! You’re just making that up! How could you even remember anything from when you were a baby?” On top of that, there was embarrassment. How can I say this out loud to someone? But I did, and the second I spoke it aloud, I had a flush of anger and hatred flow right through me, immediately followed by extreme sadness, followed by forgiveness, and then followed by acceptance and Love. All of this flowed naturally without any effort, like it was meant to be. I am so grateful I was able to have this session with someone I trusted, because it allowed me to be open and speak the words out loud, which has more impact than you can imagine.
The following 5 days were the most unbelievable days of my life. The feeling that poured into my body was uncontrollable. It was pure love. Unconditional acceptance of everything. Like nothing I had ever felt before, as if I never even knew what love was. And it wasn’t just bliss. It was like I was feeling every single emotion that has ever existed all at once, “good” and “bad”, and it was all covered with this umbrella of unconditional acceptance. It was like my body couldn’t even hold it. I was breaking down crying multiple times a day just from the feeling. And there wasn’t anything specific this love was attached to. It was just pure feeling flowing into me. It blew my mind. There was also a sense of masculine/feminine energy healing, which I didn’t fully understand at the time. But there was a live performance I would listen to on YouTube (Kiss the Earth, by Ajeet, live in Amsterdam), where in the last half of the video the men and women in the crowd would sing back and forth to each other, and then unite to sing the words ‘La Luna’ at the end of each chorus. During those 5 days, I could not even utter the words when they united to sing them, no matter how many times I tried. I sang the Men’s chorus completely fine, but once it got to the point where the men and women sing La Luna together, I would break down crying and couldn’t even say the words. I seriously took it as a challenge, and tried over and over, but could never do it during those 5 days. At that time, I was only vaguely aware of kundalini energy, but it wasn’t something I had considered much or focused on. But as I am writing this, I am currently taking part in kundalini activations, and based on what I am learning, I feel that what I experienced at that time was a form of a kundalini awakening.
The Purge After The Love (back to top)
As the 5th day came, this overwhelming loving feeling started to fade a little, and I happened to notice something in the toilet. It was mucus. I’ll assume that readers can insinuate for themselves where this came from. And don’t ask me why, but I took a picture of it, mainly because it was so unusual. But I’m glad I did so I have proof of when it started. What I didn’t know at the time though, is that I would continue taking pictures of this mucus for the next 2 years and still counting. Currently at over 1,600 pictures to date (as of 1/1/2025). I would estimate it to be over 3 gallons of mucus at this point, so that’s a lot of mucus that has been released. But what’s coming out with it? My opinion and intuition say that it's bacteria, unhealthy gut bacteria, that is causing dis-ease and causing complications for my pancreas. But before I get to all of that, I want to share something else that occurred right after those 5 days of love, only because it proved to me how simply learning a memory can be healing.
The week after those 5 days, I experienced some stress and frustration. It was as if I had to rebalance the energy to get back to equilibrium, albeit a higher equilibrium. I was frustrated specifically with my job, where I just didn’t see the point. I wasn’t motivated to work, and it was hard to focus. Things that would normally take me 10 minutes to complete took me an hour. This stress made it difficult for me to breathe. And this breathing issue is something I have had all my life. It was only an annoyance and was never anything too serious. I would just occasionally have trouble getting a satisfying deep breath. I could physically breathe just fine, but I would sometimes not be able to get that full satisfaction after taking a deep breath, like the feeling that comes with a yawn. It would be very frustrating and keep me up at night as it wouldn’t allow me to relax. This breathing issue was getting intense at this time, and it was making it difficult for me to meditate. Then, one night later in the week, I was trying to meditate while at the same time trying over and over to get a deep satisfying breath and couldn’t. I got so pissed off and yelled in anger, “Why can’t I breathe?!”. I received an immediate response from my higher self that said, “You can breathe.” Even though I was a bit surprised to receive such a clear and immediate response, I was still upset with the answer and responded, “Okay smartass, thanks. Why can’t I get a satisfying breath then?” Immediately after asking that question, I got an image flash into my head of when I was maybe around 11 years old and looking through my dresser, and I saw an inhaler under my socks. I remember thinking at the time I was 11, “Oh yeah, I used to use an inhaler, but it didn’t really help.” And in this memory, which wasn’t new, and I have always had, I picked up the inhaler and took a puff, shrugged my shoulders and put it back and walked away. That was the end of that memory, but immediately following that, a new memory popped in my head of when I was even younger, maybe around 8, and this was a memory I had never had before and was completely new to me. I was roughhousing and wrestling for fun with someone a few years older and much stronger than me. We were messing around hitting each other with pillows, when eventually I get wrapped in a heavy blanket with no way out. It was held closed just for fun, but I started to scream realizing I wasn’t being let out. It was hot and difficult to breathe, and I screamed over and over, “I can’t breathe!” As I was witnessing this memory and seeing me as a child yelling that he couldn’t breathe, I simply imagined sitting inside the blanket with him, and I calmly told him that he could breathe. I then sat and breathed calmly with my inner child, and after just a few breaths, I got the most satisfying deep breath that I have ever had it seemed like. My breathing issue was completely resolved from that point going forward. And an interesting thing I realized later, was how the roles reversed, where I initially was screaming while trying to meditate, “Why can’t I breathe!?”, and my higher self said I can breathe. Then just a minute or so later, I witnessed my inner child screaming inside a blanket saying he can’t breathe, and now I am the higher self, telling him that he can breathe. These memories were pieced together perfectly like a puzzle for me to show me exactly what was needed to answer my question. And the resulting healing was amazing. But beyond that, this example was given to me just a week or so after seeing my memory as a baby, so I would realize how important and impactful seeing this memory would be, regardless of how much longer it would take for my physical body to heal and transform that energy (over 2 years and counting…).
Now back to the mucus. Like I said, it’s been going on practically every day since 11/14/2022 (Mucus Day Counter), which was the 5th day of feeling that overwhelming unconditional love that I had never felt before in my life. There was only a short period of just a few days in early 2023 when it seemed to stop, and this was just prior to my plan of telling the person who I had the session with about it. After I told her though, it started right back up again. Did this symbolize and correspond to my fear of telling someone, and having the courage to still speak about it even though there were doubts creeping in? I believe so, although I didn’t make that connection at the time. Then, about a year later, it completely stopped for a few days again and slowed down substantially for maybe a couple weeks. This was during a dark time for me in April/May of 2024, where I was going through a dark night of the soul and everything felt pointless, and I felt worthless. My spiritual world flipped upside down and I trusted nothing. They call it an ego death, but I felt like my soul died. At the same time though, it for some reason motivated me to start sharing my story on YouTube, at a time where I felt like a complete failure and my faith in what I was doing was at a low. So once again it correlated with me facing the fear of speaking and sharing my story, at a time where I was not feeling loved and did not have much belief. So, I started posting to YouTube, while at the same time focusing on self-love. I went within and loved myself deeply through all the hurt, and the mucus started to flow once again, which I shared in the videos I created for the first time. There’s nothing like combining beautiful spiritual talk with gross mucus coming out of my ass and sharing this with the world. Holy shit, literally.
The Impact on Type 1 Diabetes (back to top)
Did I see any evidence of improvement of my type 1 diabetes during this time? At the beginning, hell no! The first 4 months or so when the mucus started being released, my insulin requirements increased DRAMATICALLY. This was something I have never experienced before. For my entire life with type 1 diabetes, I have on average needed to take around 40-50 units of insulin in a single day and would eat roughly 200-300 carbs. I have never had any signs of insulin resistance, and this amount of insulin is in line with the supposed average of a healthy person. But when this mucus started coming out, I started needing to inject over 100 units of insulin every day. This lasted for 4 months. The absurdity of this combined with the absurdity of the mucus release, was so insane to me I just accepted it. No choice but to. Even though it made no sense and certainly looked like something horrible was happening and I was going in the opposite direction, I still trusted it. I felt so good about what was occurring, even though my mind couldn’t make sense of it. And going through that constantly serves as a reminder every time my blood sugar goes a little haywire even today. Whenever you’re about to enter that next stage, everything seems to be thrown at you to stop you. Emotions and doubts making you think you can’t do it, life stresses, and in my case, increasing insulin requirements. It knocks you down, but you pull through and it ends up strengthening your faith in what you are doing. So, the next time it comes you are even more prepared. For example, I’m currently going through another phase of this, where my insulin requirements have been higher and make no sense to me, right at the time where I am preparing to publish my website and share more of my story.
Now, when I speak about higher insulin requirements today, it means needing 30-40 units for 200-300 carbs. So, the fact that I view this as high is a good thing as this is lower than what I’ve needed for most of my life. What I mean by high is in comparison to the periods of time during this period of mucus release where my insulin requirements would drop significantly. I’m talking 10-15 units of insulin for 100-200 carbs in a day, something that I’ve never experienced before. However, this would only last for a week at the most, and then go back to normal, or much higher for a little while. It’s been a roller coaster, but again, that’s where I can easily just accept it due to the initial 4 months of needing over 100 units of insulin every day. It doesn’t need to make logical sense for me to believe.
My C-Peptide Results (back to top)
Click Here to see my C-peptide blood test results.
(C-peptide is commonly reported in ng/mL, nmol/L, or pmol/L. All values in this article are reported as ng/mL.
For reference, 1 ng/mL = 0.33 nmol/L = 333 pmol/L.)
C-peptide is what your pancreas produces when it produces insulin, kind of like a byproduct of insulin production. This is really the only blood test you can take to 100% show to others that your pancreas is producing insulin. You can take an insulin test, but this will also detect injected insulin. I did take two insulin tests that I shared on YouTube, and although I know that it verifies that my pancreas was producing insulin (because I purposely stopped injecting insulin prior to the tests), this isn’t something that I can prove to anyone, and you would just have to take my word that I didn’t inject any insulin. So, for verifiable evidence of insulin production from my very own pancreas, the C-Peptide test is what is needed. Type 1 diabetics, especially ones that have had it for as long as I have, will likely have a C-Peptide of 0 ng/mL. So, no insulin production whatsoever. The common reference range that I have seen given for type 1 diabetics is 0-0.2 ng/mL, but I believe it likely depends on the duration of the disease, with newly diagnosed people possibly having a higher level. But as the duration of the disease increases, it will likely get closer and closer to zero. For a healthy non-diabetic though, you should have a C-Peptide result greater than 1.0 ng/mL. And this is a fasting range, where you have fasted for 14-16 hours. I took my first C-Peptide test in September 2023, after already seeing improvements in my insulin requirements and having this mucus release for close to a year. And it came back as 0.20 ng/mL, so I was disappointed since I was still in that T1D reference range. I took the test again in December 2023 and was again at 0.20 ng/mL. This was after seeing even better improvements to my insulin requirements, so I felt pretty defeated that it wasn’t correlating. Then in April of 2024, my result increased to 0.40 ng/mL. It’s a small change but it made me feel good to finally see some evidence. However, my ego mind told me to not get too ahead of myself and it might not mean anything. Maybe I’ve always ranged between 0 and 0.4 ng/mL and just didn’t know since I never got these tests run before. And if so, why would I bother to share this with anyone? That said, a couple months later I made my first YouTube video sharing my results, which was my first step towards facing a deep fear of mine. I then took another C-Peptide test in August of 2024, and it came back at 0.60 ng/mL. I was so excited and felt like this absolutely showed that I can do this. Unfortunately, I took another test in October 2024, and it was back at 0.4 ng/mL. This however was the first test I did non-fasted, and I also had injected insulin in my system, so who knows how this impacted my own insulin production. That said, I was still disappointed, because I was hoping for it to be above 1.0 ng/mL. I was hoping that my pancreas would be able to produce more insulin if I had eaten and had more glucose in my blood stream. When a non-type 1 diabetic eats, they may have a C-Peptide of around 5 ng/mL or even higher depending on what they eat. So, I didn’t want to think that I was capped at the 0.60 ng/mL level, because then how long would that take me to get it up to the 5.0 range for when I eat? That said, that’s just logical debate and reasoning that hasn’t really helped me much through this process. Ultimately, I have no idea how this will work or how it is even working now at a logical and/or scientific level. For all I know, my beta cell regeneration could grow exponentially, which honestly matches the laws of the universe in a way. Whether it’s something like making money or a business, it generally will start off slow and then grow exponentially if you stick with it. Just for example, it may take 10 years to save $100k, but then only a few more years to grow that to $1MM. So, in my case, it may take me a few years to go from 0 to 1.0 ng/mL of C-Peptide, but then only a year to go from 1.0 to 5.0 ng/mL. The beginning is always the hardest, and where 99% of people give up. But there’s no need to understand how it will all work before it happens, because that just limits the potential of what can be. All that is needed is to trust the process, which happens by default even if you don’t realize it, and just stick with it.
So, this is my story so far. This is just a rough draft so I will likely continue to make edits, but when I start to add more developments, I will be sure to list an update date as reference at the top and reference any new sections with the date I wrote them. And I will of course be continually posting my progress on my YouTube channel (Healing is Learning - YouTube). I’m currently working a lot with kundalini energy and focusing a lot on sharing my voice, creativity and flow. It’s all so connected, and I have received so many signs regarding this over the years, kind of warming me up to the idea, and it’s all led me to where I’m at right now. Excited to see what unfolds.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to share any thoughts you have!
Love the Light and Dark (back to top)
There have been a lot of ups and downs over the past couple of months. Mucus has almost come to a complete stop. Only very small amounts here and there but compared to what it has been over the past couple years, it seems like nothing. Never thought I’d be so sad about mucus no longer coming out of my ass. And not to get too detailed, but the consistency is much airier and bubbly (sorry!). Only mentioning this detail because for me it seemed to carry a feeling of it being the last of it. At the same time, I have also experienced the best week or so of insulin requirements, which happened in early February. There were 5 days where I had between 100-150 net carbs and only needed 10 units of total insulin (Novolin R) each day, except for the first day where I took 11 units. During this period, I ate my normal ~2,200 calories each day, with the carbs coming mostly from fruit and honey, and the rest of the calories coming from eggs and steak for the most part, with some vegetables/salads occasionally and whatever fat I put on them. And man, the low blood sugars from working out were crazy. It was almost unavoidable. Yoga has been new for me over the past 6 months. Prior to this, I would mostly just lift weights and go for runs, mountain bike, etc. But I have been doing this power hot yoga stuff and loving it, because it’s a just different way to work out compared to what I was used to and it’s something that my body has needed to get used to. And it has, but try throwing in having an extremely low blood sugar in the 30’s or 40’s by the end of each workout during this period. It happened every single time during the week of lower insulin requirements. I would only take a couple units of insulin in the evening for dinner that usually had around 50 net carbs (needed much less insulin in the evening compared to the morning during this time, but that’s normal for me and I think most diabetics). So yeah, it made the workouts a little more difficult. At this point in my life though, I kind of have a tolerance to low blood sugars, where it can be hard to tell if it’s low even if it goes under 50, unless I’m working out or trying to figure out something complex at my job and my brain just doesn’t work as well. Then I can tell. But if I’m just laying down watching TV, I won’t even know unless my dog comes and lays his head on me, because he usually can sense it. But it was very surprising for it to go so low during a workout when I had taken so little insulin. Also, I feel my body is pretty use to low blood sugars and is very experienced with releasing glucagon and getting it back up pretty quickly on its own. But I just feel like my whole system is going a little crazy, so maybe the fact that my pancreas is producing insulin again messed up the signaling to release glucagon. No idea. And it could also have been a period of heightened insulin sensitivity, but even so, I’m as certain as I can be that my pancreas produced more insulin during this period than ever before. Then on the 6th day I had 180 net carbs where I ate oatmeal, and oatmeal for me usually needs more insulin than other types of carbs, and I needed 18 total units that day. But that’s still maybe half of the insulin I would have needed say 5 years ago. It gradually got worse though, and on average over the next week or so I had 200 net carbs per day and needed around 25 total units of insulin. So not great, but still much better than what I would have needed in the past, and overall this represents the longest stretch of time so far where I have had this much improvement. All that said, it eventually all came crashing down, which it always does! At least so far… It just seems as if my pancreas will get a period of heightened insulin production and then eventually stall out. I had a few days in a row of needing 50 units in a day for only 200-250 net carbs. Albeit not the healthiest carbs, as sometimes the disappointment can trigger the want for some ice cream 😊. But the drastic change just doesn’t make much sense. There were times when I took 15 units of Novolin R insulin in the morning (with a blood sugar of around 140) and didn’t eat anything over the next 5 hours and my blood sugar never went below 80. Compare this to only needing 10 units of Novolin R over the course of the entire day when eating 2,200 calories and 150 net carbs, just a couple weeks earlier. And I’ve mentioned this several times in my videos, but everything I have seen with my results suggests that there’s a lot more to it than our pancreas simply not having the beta cells to produce insulin. I have never experienced insulin resistance in my entire life as a type 1 diabetic, and my insulin requirements have remained consistent my entire time with this disease. But seeing these crazy changes, where for whatever reason my body’s natural reaction to having these periods of very low insulin requirements, whether that’s due to my body producing more insulin or due to increased sensitivity, or a mix of both, it appears my body reacts to this with becoming extremely insulin resistant. Or maybe it’s something else. I talked about how my insulin requirements increased so ridiculously high when the mucus started, so I guess it’s not necessarily in response to periods of needing low insulin, but it’s certainly in response to something that I don’t understand. And as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t need to understand it. Just accept what the body is doing and don’t just focus on the negative. Of course, during the frustration, my ego mind solely wants to focus on the week where I needed more insulin than I would have needed 5 years ago before I even started all of this, and that what I’m doing isn’t working. And it completely disregards the fact that I had a week where I needed the lowest amount of insulin I have ever needed in my entire life with this disease, plus the fact that I have blood tests showing that my pancreas is not only producing insulin, but the amount it is producing has been increasing consistently over the past year.
Also, in the past, when I would have a reversal and would start to need much higher insulin, it would stay that way for a while. But this time, the period of needing higher amounts of insulin only lasted about a week, and as I’m writing this, I’m back to much better levels again (15-20 units for ~150 net carbs). So, I think this was the first time it has changed back so quickly. I’ve always felt like there’s a battle going on, back and forth, between dark and light. Probably a little dramatic to say it that way, and I don’t mean dark as in evil. Just the dark unconscious coming to light more and more, and each time, your body is naturally handling it how it needs to. Pieces at a time. Baby steps (another What About Bob message…). And each time I’m better equipped to address my fears and pain. Maybe the reason it was so quick this time is because I’m more prepared and able to feel through it fully compared to previous times. Practice, practice, practice. It might feel like the same loop, but it’s not. You have more experience each time and there’s always a difference and something new to learn about yourself.
Love is the answer. It can’t be overstated. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would need to face and overcome my most intense fears in order to heal myself from type 1 diabetes, I would have said “Nope.. no thanks… meh, type 1 diabetes isn’t that bad”. Mainly because I thought it was impossible to overcome my fears. I felt like any time I would even try would just result in confirmation that I could never do it. But love is the answer. Tap into it every day. Love yourself deeper and deeper. Don’t think about needing to face any fears. When you love yourself and connect to your heart consistently, it will point you to exactly where you need to go. And it will do so in such a beautifully artistic and creative way, giving you messages and ideas exactly when you are ready for them. For me, I wasn’t ready to face these fears 5 years ago. There were other things to address first to prepare me, which my heart guided me to. Understanding the unconscious and deeply buried reasons for my fear. Taking responsibility for my fear. Loving my fear. And as the love for myself grew, I was eventually able to face my fears with that love, and only because of that love. Bit by bit, and I’m still going through it. This has been such a beautiful experience, and it really has nothing to do with healing type 1 diabetes. The disease is just a symptom of the energy that is held, stuck and blocked. The benefits of this healing go way beyond healing a physical disease. It opens you to the infinite.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions or to share any thoughts you have!